Therapy is relatively new to all of us, and certainly it true for me. My family would never admit to having any kind of problems let alone tell problems to some "therapist". We simple did not admit any faults or certainly never admitted to anyone that we had some difficulties to overcome. Lesson number one for me here was a lesson in how to stuff emotions on a grand scale. Unfortunately for me or fortunate for you it is why I write today which is a therapy of clearing the energy of the past that is harmful to me and toxic perhaps to others. Reflecting back by the time I was 5 I was totally enmeshed into family dysfunction. Understand this, there is room for improvement for all that walk upon earth. This is school.
Never, did it ever dawn on me that finding what we call the "inner child" would totally change my life and thrust me into a new world of the unknown. Who was I, would I love myself, and of course would others like or love me? For me, I have learned that when it is time to learn about oneself, the Universe always steps in to give us a nudge. This nudge always felt uncomfortable because I was being jolted into a life of unknowns, and like it or not, I was into this journey of discovery before I recognized this fact.
All of us have something to work on while on earth. If we were perfect, we would not be here, but on another plane or planet of existence. I am not talking about learning about vocations. What I am referring to is understanding that there is always room for improvement, and in order to grow spiritually, it is important to address all of these "defects of character" that made each of us feel in adequate. Defects that we use to manipulate others, get our way, and control as many as we can, or become the victim. I was all of that I have described. One of my biggest fears was money.......
I was about 5 years old more or less. I had not yet started formal education and I always loved to buy stuff. As children we were allowed to walk to town to what was then called the 5 and dime store which was nothing more than nickel and dime stuff for children. Always we had a big budget. Each of us was given 15 cents and that was like sending me to the moon emotionally. Oh, what I could do with what was to me a huge amount of cash. For mother it was a godsend as she had about an hour and a half without squirmy kids...These were corporate decisions here. Cameron, Texas was a very small town who knew everyone, and it was a simple place for children to feel like for once in their life, they were big enough to go places. Maybe the distance in total was one half of a mile, I never measured the distance. The town square had two movie theatres big stuff for city folk from Fort Worth. Cameron was still behind the times. All phones were through the central office handled by an operator. Does this sound ancient? To many of you it does, but truthfully it was not long ago.
Downtown consisted of two movie theatres, two banks, two dime stores, two grocery stores( very small by today's standard) an ice house for produce delivery and always a couple of bars for the men. There were other stores that wrapped around the central plaza, called the square. You can get the picture, which was not a lot of activity. We would make our purchases and walk back to grandmother's house.
One day in Fort Worth, I ask my father to take me to the store. I had accumulated a little cash, and the need was about to burn a hole in my pocket. Dad reluctantly drove me to the "dime store", and I strolled in for the big purchase. I bought only what I could afford, a bag of marbles. Upon getting back into the car, my father inquired about the purchase. "Why did you select this?", he asked. "Well, that was all I could afford." was my reply. "Do you play marbles?" he asked. " No, but they're pretty."
Now for the lesson of a lifetime. My father made me return the marbles and get my money. Devastating for a little shopper, and then for the rest of my childhood and adult life made fun of the attempt to buy something I did not need. This became the practical joke of the family, and all enjoyed the story except me. I truly accepted the fact that I was not able to handle money and took this erroneous belief into adulthood.
The Aztecs I believe calling this fact of accepting a false belief about yourself and putting it into your mitote ( body of energy within the soul that holds truths either real or imaginary). All of us, by the time we are 5 or 6 have been programed to believe many things about ourselves that are false. and we stuff these truths into our mitote. Examples that were mine as well were, you are stupid, you can't manage money, you never finish projects, the only A you make is in "hall", you need a man when you are an adult, and on and on. Sometimes these truths are so hidden that it will take therapy of some kind. My therapy came in the form of 12 step work, as well as other groups. For those of you who are reaching a stumbling block look for the group that possibly might fit your needs. But remember this, it is up to you to make your own decision. This is not up to "the priest", the "counselor", the parent, the sister or brother but you. You must stand by what you think is important to uncover about yourself so that you can change these erroneous beliefs and behaviors and join the world of the "living".
Never, did it ever dawn on me that finding what we call the "inner child" would totally change my life and thrust me into a new world of the unknown. Who was I, would I love myself, and of course would others like or love me? For me, I have learned that when it is time to learn about oneself, the Universe always steps in to give us a nudge. This nudge always felt uncomfortable because I was being jolted into a life of unknowns, and like it or not, I was into this journey of discovery before I recognized this fact.
All of us have something to work on while on earth. If we were perfect, we would not be here, but on another plane or planet of existence. I am not talking about learning about vocations. What I am referring to is understanding that there is always room for improvement, and in order to grow spiritually, it is important to address all of these "defects of character" that made each of us feel in adequate. Defects that we use to manipulate others, get our way, and control as many as we can, or become the victim. I was all of that I have described. One of my biggest fears was money.......
I was about 5 years old more or less. I had not yet started formal education and I always loved to buy stuff. As children we were allowed to walk to town to what was then called the 5 and dime store which was nothing more than nickel and dime stuff for children. Always we had a big budget. Each of us was given 15 cents and that was like sending me to the moon emotionally. Oh, what I could do with what was to me a huge amount of cash. For mother it was a godsend as she had about an hour and a half without squirmy kids...These were corporate decisions here. Cameron, Texas was a very small town who knew everyone, and it was a simple place for children to feel like for once in their life, they were big enough to go places. Maybe the distance in total was one half of a mile, I never measured the distance. The town square had two movie theatres big stuff for city folk from Fort Worth. Cameron was still behind the times. All phones were through the central office handled by an operator. Does this sound ancient? To many of you it does, but truthfully it was not long ago.
Downtown consisted of two movie theatres, two banks, two dime stores, two grocery stores( very small by today's standard) an ice house for produce delivery and always a couple of bars for the men. There were other stores that wrapped around the central plaza, called the square. You can get the picture, which was not a lot of activity. We would make our purchases and walk back to grandmother's house.
One day in Fort Worth, I ask my father to take me to the store. I had accumulated a little cash, and the need was about to burn a hole in my pocket. Dad reluctantly drove me to the "dime store", and I strolled in for the big purchase. I bought only what I could afford, a bag of marbles. Upon getting back into the car, my father inquired about the purchase. "Why did you select this?", he asked. "Well, that was all I could afford." was my reply. "Do you play marbles?" he asked. " No, but they're pretty."
Now for the lesson of a lifetime. My father made me return the marbles and get my money. Devastating for a little shopper, and then for the rest of my childhood and adult life made fun of the attempt to buy something I did not need. This became the practical joke of the family, and all enjoyed the story except me. I truly accepted the fact that I was not able to handle money and took this erroneous belief into adulthood.
The Aztecs I believe calling this fact of accepting a false belief about yourself and putting it into your mitote ( body of energy within the soul that holds truths either real or imaginary). All of us, by the time we are 5 or 6 have been programed to believe many things about ourselves that are false. and we stuff these truths into our mitote. Examples that were mine as well were, you are stupid, you can't manage money, you never finish projects, the only A you make is in "hall", you need a man when you are an adult, and on and on. Sometimes these truths are so hidden that it will take therapy of some kind. My therapy came in the form of 12 step work, as well as other groups. For those of you who are reaching a stumbling block look for the group that possibly might fit your needs. But remember this, it is up to you to make your own decision. This is not up to "the priest", the "counselor", the parent, the sister or brother but you. You must stand by what you think is important to uncover about yourself so that you can change these erroneous beliefs and behaviors and join the world of the "living".
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