The Necessity to Have Boundaries

I had never heard about "boundaries" until I walked into the rooms of recovery.   It never occurred to me that I had permission to say, "no"  without having some false excuse following behind my answer that really never made sense.  "No", is a complete sentence in itself.
 The ability to say  "no" is certainly very difficult for many Americans.  As far as the rest of you that read this blog I cannot say, but my guess is that it is true for you as well.   It was important for me to learn to understand that it was not my obligation to ,"volunteer for the world" if it truly was something that I did not want to do.   I even had to buy a book on this subject to totally get it through my mind that it was not my job to serve the world.   Certainly at the cost of my health.  And to add insult to injury we were constantly reminded me to do service work in order to recovery from addiction.  Was I doomed here?   I thought I was surly locked into some "tower of existence" only to clean ashtrays for the rest of my life.   No, no, no..... Doing a good deed with a bad attitude is a negative.   Remember this little rule.  Any kind of help must come from the heart not from some one's order.  It is up to you to decide what is right for you, and how you intend to give to others.
  Another  boundary description  might come with refusing to go somewhere that could be of harm to you.  Going along with the crowd just to please someone could possibly be your life.  For example, it would be unwise to ride in a car when the driver is intoxicated.  How many of us had made this mistake?  One of the most important lessons that I had to learn was put to me with this thought, "what others think of me is none of my business".    That little reminder stays with me continually as I journey though life.  It is my responsibility to give or not give when I choose.  And it is up to me to decide what is important only for me.
   Giving advice was the hardest part for me to understand.  It is important to remain silent until ask for advice;  then and only then do you have permission to tell someone else what you might do from whatever experience you have had in the past.  In relationships it is not the duty of the woman or man to tell the other how to dress, what to say, how to drive, what to eat while in public and on and on.   These little control issues are what I define as "no boundaries at all".  Best advice is to remain silent.   We all have the God energy working for us, and that is advice itself.  Also, if a person steps into a trap, it possibly is his/her lesson to learn.  Your advice only adds you into the equation and creates more mess.  Keep you boundary secure!