This is all about what you attract, or in simple terminology exactly what you think and your actions will attract those people that are needed to complete the thought process. For those of you who are trying to find a better attraction either for marriage or a longer term relationship, this article is for you. Understand this, I had to learn this program myself. Didn't believe it at first, thought that I too, knew it all and could figure this information out, then realized that I too had to practice what I preached. There is no simpler way, but make this lesson as difficult as you wish, but want my prayer here is to do what I suggest.
A look at your parents is the beginning point of reference. By parents, I am referring to the adults who were the main caregivers in your young life. These "caregivers" basically were the first influence upon you. Now this is where you need to get perfectly honest. What were the main character defects that they had which caused anguish in your life. This is important here that you be perfectly honest. Here are some of the examples that were mine. Emotionally not there, critical of my performance of anything, alcoholism, rage or fits of depression, and eating disorders were a few that landed in my family. Others that I interviewed experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, abandonment, and this list could go on and on, but hopefully you will get the idea. From this list, add other people that were additionally influential in your personal life at an early age, and continue on with the list.
When you are satisfied that this list is fairly accurate, understand that all relationships whether it is friendship or relationship will have characteristics of this list. Ah ha.......you're still bringing this "stuff" into your life, like it or not; and you will continue to do so until you learn how to clear the list. This list represents the spiritual lessons that you have chosen to learn in this lifetime. In therapy or 12 step work, we call this your character defects.
One major uplifting thought here. This is exactly what you chose to learn before entering life, and it is this reason alone that these lessons are what you have needed to learn in order to spiritually grow. These lessons will continue to circle around you like buzzards until you address the problem and correct the error. For me, I was able to stop blaming those souls that had done those deeds to me. I began to see in the karmic scheme of things that it was my doing and my lessons, and my spiritual path of learning that was chosen by me. The anger left because I no longer could be the "victim".
Many choose to read self help books or listen to tapes. One word of caution here. These are an excellent "starting point of beginning", but knowing is not the same as doing. You must take the action to stop connecting to the wrong sort of people. As we say in recovery not only do you "talk the talk", but you must now, "walk the walk". As you change your behavior and your actions, then you will attract those souls that are representative of the change. Hopefully, this will be much better. Many times when working with others. I remind people that often we know what we don't want, but we do not know what we want. So, take this as a first suggestion and make a list of what you would like to receive into your life that would enhance rather than detract.
Here are some helpful hints that helped me.
1. No sex for at least 12 months after a bad break up. This will give you time to work upon your self.
2. Learn to watch how people or prospective friends or lovers treat other people. Because that essentially is how they will treat you.
3. When learning trust watch to see if the prospective candidate does what he/she says that they are going to do. Even being on "time" is important here.
4. Understand with full clarity that you can not change anyone but yourself. So if you do not like the habits of the prospective friend/lover than realize that this goes with the total package. Not yours to fix.
5. Important that you allow total spiritual acceptance of the "candidate". Each of us are on our own spiritual path, and it is important that you do not judge. But your decision is to see if this belief system is congruent with your beliefs. If not, then you might need to think this one out.
6. Have the courage to back away if there is too much baggage that is unpleasant. This will not go away, and hiding everything "under the rug" of life will never work. Either it is total acceptance or not.
7* Having that special feeling when meeting someone for the first time sometimes does not mean love at first sight, but lust at first sight. This is sexual attraction sometimes at its worst. We used to joke that the hotter the flame of sexual attraction the faster the break up. Best to go slow when changing your attraction. Remember the old wolf in sheep's clothing story.
I would appreciate some of your stories on your experience here. My promise is to respond as quickly as possible or, perhaps you might like a reading on my pod cast about relationships?
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