Using Our Spiritual Lessons from the Past To Guide Us To Change

Sometimes it is easier for me to teach from my own spiritual experiences.  Often it is said in recovery that we can learn from the mistakes of the past.  I am going to reduce this to my life here and maybe you will understand how you too can look into your own family history and make better choices.

I was not born into a perfect world.  There was nothing but chaos as I chose to enter into life.  This was six weeks before the United States declared war upon Japan and subsequently Germany as well. 

Shortly after my birth, my father joined the United States Navy and I too was a child of an absentee father.  (first lesson here, learning to live without a father)  For the next five years of my early life, I saw very little of my father and well understood that his return just might not happen.  Mother was totally honest with my sister and me that his life was truly in the hands of God.  Both my sister and I understood this phenomenon and dealt with his possible death as we best could understand the concept.   I knew what was happening in the world.  I knew that my life could change in an instant, and the emotional silence that was held within was again another spiritual lesson forthcoming,  (learning to deal with fear itself and not being able to express this fear to anyone) 

During the war food was rationed as well as gasoline and many manufactured goods.  All factories were channeled  to refocus on the war effort.   In today's world only those of us still living have experienced the shortages that we had in the United States during World War II. To sit for hours waiting on a ration of sugar is quite boring to a child, but imperative to the Mother of the household who is feeding the family.  Gasoline was rationed by the amount, and it was impossible to buy tires for the car.  Mother once drove us to New Orleans from Fort Worth @ 30 miles per hour in order to save the tires, because there was no replacement.  Now that is a slow journey, and for a woman during that time, a scary one with two small children.  She did not know what kind of an example she set by her decision to make that journey herself.  Many women would not have gone, my mother faced the fear alone with two children, and did not look back. There was nothing she wouldn't do during this time period.  She became an inspiration for me many years later. 

  My first five years, although I did not go hungry were spent with lots of meals called "salad dressing sandwiches", no meat, canned milk, no candy(sugar was rationed) and all clothes that we had were made  by hand.  My mother literally lived at the sewing machine.   The southern part of the United States was a mecca of cotton and mills with plenty of fabric to make clothes, curtains, bedspreads, and etc.  My mother made the choice to take advantage of this shortage and learn to sew.  My early memories of her was to be  either at the kitchen sink or at the sewing machine making clothes for the three of us. ( another spiritual law here learning to change when the opportunity calls for a need).  The sewing machine gave her the opportunity to not only learn a craft, but to also escape from her fears of being a single parent.  (law of polarity here used--for every negative there is also a positive choice around for learning).  My mother made the choice to learn the art of sewing and this enabled her to learn a craft that would later aid in the decorating business.  She became a master of color, design, fabric selection, and a skilled craftsman at the machine as well.  Would you believe that even my underwear was made on that sewing machine?  I did not graduate to store bought "bloomers" until about the age of 10.  My friends still laugh at some of these experiences---especially when the elastic came out of the underwear, and I had to spend the entire day holding up my "drawers" with one hand and taking a test for the teacher with the other.   Not fun on any level here. (again, holding secrets and living in fear)  Mother sewed for all of us even until shortly before her death 80 years later.  Her courage through all of this set a lesson of living by one's example or as we now say in recovery attraction rather than promotion is the key to success and learning.

This is enough  of today's story to explain how the spiritual lessons are laid out of us even at birth.  There were abandonment issues which taught me that God was always with me, even as a child.  I would, with his care, be taken care of.  Children do not see it this way, and with some the lessons are extremely hard, but hey!  Who said earth was a picnic?   My mother's action to learn a skill set an example of being able to adapt to change.  Change is all around and constantly rearing its Universal Head.  We either learn to adapt or perish.  There is choice here.  Either sit by the road and perish or join the parade of life and participate.  We are all responsible for our choices.  Choose to learn or not God does not care which one it is.  He does love us all and guide us with better choices once we choose to help our selves.   My mother always dealt with the truth straight up.  Nothing sends me deeper into frustration when I see parents hiding the truth from children.  Children know.  They often don't know how they know, but they know.  How much easier to face the truth when someone you love stands and cares for you.   More stories revealed and how life's lessons gives to us the courage to change and grow. 

CHANGING OLD HABITS OLDER BELIEFS

Our lessons begin at birth although the awareness of this truth may not come for many lifetimes.  It is important to understand clearly that you chose your birth order and all of the calamity that comes with your choices.

While some of us had degrees of better or healthier lessons; understand, that it was not an accident.  These souls have just learned to focus on their journey in some other lifetime and have made a little progress with better choices.  This fact does not make these souls better, but just points out that all of us have our own set of lessons to learn, and some of us may have been better  with  choices.    They may appear to look as if their journey is easy, but remember also, you are not exposed to all of their journey.   To put it bluntly, you have not seen the entire picture.  You just might prefer your life to theirs if you knew the complete story here. 

To put it another way, you cannot change what you do not see for yourself.  Are you the victim?  Do bad things just happen to you?  Has it ever occurred to you that you are causing your own  set of circumstances?   Bingo!!! Stopping bad behaviors or bad choices first  by admitting or owning the fact that you have created this.  Bad choices make for harmful lifestyles.  Learning to look for the cause is easy, but this requires patience and practice.  Here are some suggestions. Reflect back on the times that you have refused to stop something because you thought that this "something" could be overlooked.  It would go away, it would not happen with this "particular" situation.   My answer to these self awareness premonitions is probably  that they have been  correct.  Your intuitive thought was the better choice.    All of us have been given the spiritual guidance to know that we were making a bad choice.  We were simply refusing to change the choice because we wanted either the  Money, the Man, the Job, or the Place to Live.  These were your red flag moments that all of us and you have chosen to  ignore.   When changing, learn to step back think for a minute and listen to your inner intuitive feelings.  This can be hard particularly when it is a job that is being offered with lots of false promises that you think you can fix or overlook.  Turn it down or learn to ask the right questions and make a better decision based on your own investigation of the subject.  This is not about learning to "talk the talk", but you must now learn to "walk the walk". 

For me, I was always dating the wrong kind of souls.  This did not make them evil, but, looking back at the problem it was mine because 1.  I did not ask enough questions 2.  Take time in getting to know these souls, 3.  refusing to see what I was looking at. 

In accepting a job wouldn't it be advisable when you hear of a problem to ask the prospective "boss" how he/she would handle a certain situation?  Seems that might prevent some painful moments down the line of life. 

Making little insignificant decisions to do  impact how a job/relationship will work.  This is better than just jumping off an emotional cliff.  Hitting the bottom is not so much fun. 

Developing Healthy Friendships and Excellent Relationships

This is all about what you attract, or in simple terminology exactly what you think and your actions will attract those people that are needed to complete the thought process.  For those of you who are trying to find a better attraction either for marriage or a longer term relationship, this article is for you.  Understand this, I had to learn this program myself.  Didn't believe it at first, thought that I too, knew it all and could figure this information out, then realized that I too had to practice what I preached.  There is no simpler way, but make this lesson as difficult as you wish, but want my prayer here is to do what I suggest.

A look at your parents is the beginning point of reference.  By parents, I am referring to the adults who were the main caregivers in your young life.  These "caregivers" basically were the first influence upon you. Now this is where you need to get perfectly honest.  What were the main character defects that they had which caused anguish in your life.  This is important here that you be perfectly honest.  Here are some of the examples that were mine.  Emotionally not there, critical of my performance of anything, alcoholism, rage or fits of depression,  and eating disorders were a few that landed in my family.  Others that I interviewed experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, abandonment, and this list could go on and on, but hopefully you will get the idea.  From this list, add other people that were additionally influential in your personal life at an early age, and continue on with the list.

When you are satisfied that this list is fairly accurate,  understand that all relationships whether it is friendship or relationship will have characteristics of this list.  Ah ha.......you're  still bringing this "stuff" into your life, like it or not; and you will continue to do so until you learn how to clear the list. This list represents the spiritual lessons that you have  chosen to learn in this lifetime.  In therapy or 12 step work, we call this your character defects. 

One major uplifting thought here.  This is exactly what you chose to learn before entering life, and it is this reason alone that these lessons are what you have needed to learn in order to spiritually grow. These lessons will continue to circle around you like buzzards until you address the problem and correct the error.  For me,  I was able to stop blaming those souls that had done those deeds to me.  I began to see in the karmic scheme of things that it was my doing and my lessons, and my spiritual path of learning that was chosen by me.  The anger left because I no longer could be the "victim".

Many choose to read self help books or listen to tapes.  One word of caution here.  These are an excellent "starting point of beginning", but knowing is not the same as doing.  You must take the action to stop connecting to the wrong sort of people.   As we say in recovery not only do you "talk the talk", but you must now, "walk the walk".   As you change your behavior and your actions, then you will attract those souls that are representative of the change.  Hopefully, this will be much better.   Many times when working with others.  I remind people that often we know what we don't want, but we do not know what we want.   So, take this as a first suggestion and make a list of what you would like to receive into your life that would enhance rather than detract. 

Here are some helpful hints that helped me.

1.  No sex for at least 12 months after a bad break up.  This will give you time to work upon your self.
2.  Learn to watch how people or prospective friends or lovers treat other people.  Because that essentially is how they will treat you.

3.  When learning trust watch to see if the prospective candidate does what he/she says that  they are going to do.  Even being on "time" is important here.  

4.  Understand with full clarity that you can not change anyone but yourself.  So if you do not like the habits of the prospective friend/lover than realize that this goes with the total package.  Not yours to fix.

5.  Important that you allow total spiritual acceptance of the "candidate".   Each of us are on our own spiritual path, and it is important that you do not judge.  But your decision is to see if this belief system is congruent with your beliefs.  If not, then you might need to think this one out. 

6.  Have the courage to back away if there is too much baggage that is unpleasant.  This will not go away, and hiding everything "under the rug" of life will never work.  Either it is total acceptance or not. 

7* Having that special feeling when meeting someone for the first time sometimes does not mean love at first sight, but lust at first sight.  This is sexual attraction sometimes at its worst.  We used to joke that the hotter the flame of sexual attraction the faster the break up.  Best to go slow when changing your attraction.  Remember the old wolf in sheep's clothing story.

I would appreciate some of your stories on your experience here.   My promise is to respond as quickly as possible or, perhaps you might like a reading on my pod cast about relationships?