Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Spiritual Law of Destiny



This is one of the least talked about, and misunderstood by the general public.  But the law of Destiny is more important than you think.   The law is sometimes referred to as the law of Dharma.

Before you come into being, it is a choice as to whom you select as a parent.  Your parents are responsible for your early childhood, as well as creating for you the myriad of experiences both good and bad that create for you to experience while in your early childhood. 

So, for example, if you were, shall we say an abusive soul that abused people, you might choose to come back into the family in which the abusive behavior began.  Thus you could receive that which you gave from a previous life..  We as Christians know this to be, "the sins of the Father".

I totally misunderstood this as a young child and interpreted this passage incorrectly.   This does not necessarily refer to disease, but the dis ease of many defects of character that all of us receive at childhood.  This is a karmic law that sometimes returns in another life for you to suffer the consequences of your actions from a past life.  For me, it was much more acceptable to understand as I never understood how children could receive such bad treatment from sick souls at such an early age.  This became an awakening for me of understanding karmic law. 

Some of us, upon entering life,  have a karmic "hell" of such proportions that it is hard to comprehend how these people continue to thrive.  I am always amazed at these souls that often out of darkness become some of the greatest leaders on earth. 

Destiny is recorded in our DNA.  With this little gift, we inherit our talents, our quirks of personality, our propensity for certain illnesses, and these little gifts are our spiritual tools that we bring with us to create the life we are destined to learn and grow spiritually.  Yes, even physical disease is a learning experience.   We have choice here, and hopefully we survive to have the thought to make good choices.  Even addiction is a lesson and a hard lesson to learn at that.  Think of addiction in a way of teaching you an experience that able to have spiritually grow during this lifetime. 

At about the age of 40 or 50,  we are given the opportunity to understand what life has taught us.  And with a great deal of spiritual work such as prayer and meditation, we may begin a new journey into the discovery of life itself in out second half of life on this planet.  When this occurs, and it will,  then the other half of destiny kicks into play.  Which is.......we now understand that our very thoughts create for us the rest of our lives.  By being, "God connected", our thoughts become much clearer.  Because, we now realize that what we think about or want to have is our on going creation.  Think about what I say here.  Have you ever heard the expression, "be careful about what you want, you  just might get it." ?   Well, folks there is truth here to this very idea.

How you react to others, how you think about them, always comes back to you.  So be careful to create for you truth in your thinking about people.  No, you are not going to like everything that you see, but you do not have to give it unnecessary energy that just stirs up trouble for you. 

Have a nice day! 

 

Friday, March 6, 2015

Favorites From Your Selections

                                                                One
                                         Dealing with Our Crazy Fears

All of us get into some kind of fear.  This is one of the hardest states of mind of change.  At least that has been true of me.  As a child I could spend more time worrying, then resolving whatever it was that I was facing.   I do not think that I am complete with this lesson.   When friends tell me they don't worry, I usually wonder what kind of happy grass they might be  smoking  in jesting with them.

Living with a program of recovery for the last 24 years, I am happily sober and realize that the most important part of my day is my spiritual journey through life.  The worries do come, but now my tool is to recognize that I am not in control of future events and through prayer and meditation, I can control my thinking to know that "this too, will pass".   This is not an easy accomplishment, but with some kind of support mechanism, you too can work on this problem. 

We are living in a world of change now and moving into the Aquarian Age.  When I was given this message about 30 years ago, I was told that this was the spiritual ride of a lifetime, but that it would be difficult.  The difficulty for me is controlling my thinking, and to not get into a crazy form of fear.  For you that still drink and use, be cautious, as alcohol creates depression and brings on more fear.  So, you could be working yourself into a frenzy over nothing.  Marijuana gives off a false sense of euphoria then gently shuts down your ability for sober reasoning, and literally puts you into a stupor of nothingness.   This is not the spiritual solution to solving your problems, it is creating more of them.  Sort of like a slow death.  

I do not judge this at all.  I too would read at night with a glass of wine and then spin off into crazies with a case of the "what ifs?".   It took me a while to stop this little habit.  I wish all of you luck on your journey with substance abuse. 

About the change for those of your that are interested in self healing, facing fear, and dealing with others.   Read on...... You are left with choice.  As far as your destiny is concerned, you path has pretty much been set, but that being said you choice is what to make of your life, and use the best choices to create a much more  harmonious life for yourself.   Life is a lesson or a series of lessons that begin at birth.  Some of us have had rough rides through childhood, and I learned to accept this hurdle as if it was a spiritual lesson.  My truth is that all of us chose, before birth, this journey, and chose exactly those experiences no matter how horrible to teach us lessons.  Facing all of the nightmares that could or did occur in childhood or the very lessons that we have chosen to "un do" takes time and energy.  If not, then prepare to continue repeating these mistakes over and over


                                                                Two
                                      Working with Healing Yourself

One of the simplest to understand, and yet one of the hardest to understand is how to heal your self. 

The body knows how to do this, but it is lacking the full cooperation of your mind.  Both are necessary in order to accomplish this task.  Very simple, but very difficult.  For me, it has been a lifetime of understanding, and I will now share with you that which I have learned.  Yes, the body knows how to heal itself, but the mind or your thinking often gets in the way to nudging this along. 

Disease or "dis ease" is simply being out of balance with your body, mind, and spirit.  When this happens in general, sometimes it is years before the actual life threatening sickness or disease occurs.  Cancer is one example of what I am talking about. 

Often, we bring into our life the propensity to have a certain disease, as the disease itself is actually a lesson of understanding just exactly what we are doing to ourselves.  In short, it is a lesson that arrives by our own creation to teach us that we are manifesting our own sickness.   Sometimes, it has been a series of lifetimes that we , as souls, have continued to repeat this disease over and over again.   Many cancer patients exhibit problems of control.  Not being happy with their lives or ones that live around them.  They usually  either run around trying to tell others what to do,  how something should work, or exactly how something should not be.  The lesson here is only that God is in control and we are not in charge of others and their actions.  We have choice, and need to be out of every one's business, but our own.   Cancer can be a by product of this kind of narrow mindedness that creates havoc within our own bodies.   I am oversimplifying  this example, but do not think that I am far off here.  As I was once told that when we evolve to a certain level, we will not tell people what disease we have, as our friends will know how sick we are in our minds.   For me,  I believe this fact.

Okay, so first in healing.  Clear the mind with negative thinking.  Your body is a cellular universe with different systems communicating  with each cell that receives instructions from your brain which is like the transformer of the information system to the body.  Negative thinking about yourself sets us a system that turn upon itself and creates disease or disharmony within the body.  Not good folks.   Practice on a daily level whenever you begin to have doubts about your talents and place in the universe the ability to recognize this erroneous thinking and delete these thoughts.   On a daily basis I had a request to the God of my understanding to guide me through this process.  And yes, it does get easier and better with time.  Be patient success will eventually follow.

Second, begin to look at what the disease is teaching you.  Are you learning that you need other people?  Are you learning that you need to improve your thinking about others, and enlisting others aid or help when ask?  Are you truthful?   Do you complete your jobs because it is the right thing to do or because you "have to"?   Do you resent others?   What is your overall attitude of life? 

Third,  remain steadfast.  There is no quick fix.  Healing takes time and a willingness to stay the course.  Often western medicine only mask the symptom and does nothing toward healing the body.  Are you looking for a quick fix or a solution?    Diet, exercise, meditation,  coupled with a good attitude toward others certainly helps and is a daily reminder for us all to not judge others but keep moving toward the path of enlightenment.  

My right arm was paralyzed for about 9 months.  I had to take my own advice and follow this path.  Either I believe in what I say or not.  I am in to my 12th month of recovery.  My arm has 90% recovery.  I swim at least once a week and exercise at the gym twice a week.  Not to mention my daily work outs at home.   Meditation and prayer are with me always.   You can do this as well.   Blessings to all of you! 

                                                                    Three
                                         Acceptance that Everything Changes
                                           (Changing only that which you can)

This is one of the hardest lessons that I have had to learn.  What is my responsibility when it comes to change?  

I was like many of us are, "the armchair quarterback".  Most of us are able to look at the defects of others and offer a  simple solution either in our mind or by giving advice that was not ours to give.  It took many years for me to realize that everything that I attracted was brought to me by my own thinking.  It was all of my anger, rage, that brought people around me with the same stuff.  I could see the defect within them, but was clueless that it was me that also suffered from the same defect.  I was either the victim or the perpetrator with all of it. 

We cannot change others.  Nor can we judge them.  Each of us are on our own spiritual path with our own lessons that will be supplied by the Universe or the God Energy as I sometimes call it.  No, this energy is not a man.  If you think so, then your God is entirely too small.  It is not God in my belief that judges us, it is our own self that sees the truth when we cross over and understand that it is up to us to repair our own damage made by our own mistakes. 

Truly, if we understand that every thought, action, and prayer was answered we would have an entirely different way of dealing with problems.   Instead, we venture through life fixing others, criticizing  others and are only creating karmic damage to ourselves.  We think that if something feels good it is positive energy.  Not necessarily so.  Often when we are solving (so we think), or preventing someone else from having to suffer, we are karmically  creating our own mess and probably sending a negative charge. 

In parenting, I did not want my children to suffer consequences that were not going to be pleasant.  They would come home give me their story, and I would take charge to repair the mess.  Whoa!  This is exactly what many of us do.  First, we were not there when the incident happened.  So, we play god and think we can solve the problem.  Only God can fix the solution because only God has the omnipotent knowledge to resolve the issue.  What should have been done on my part.?   First, try something like the serenity prayer.  Second, listen to all of the facts, and third sit in the dark until the solution is given.   Whoever is involved with whatever happens are only those that can work out the mess.  Not the parent.  So, how do you prevent bad things happening to your children?  Your teach them to become responsible and to tell the truth.  That is your part of a good parent.  You cannot believe what you have not been through.   You explain to your children that their thoughts and actions create their choices through life.   Then you sit back and carefully watch the show of life unfold as they grow up.  As I understand to paraphrase what was in  the book of Proverbs the more your meddle in someone's affairs it is like grabbing a dog by the ears and creating a mess.  So, be my guest here and try something different.  Teach your children that they suffer the consequence of their actions. 

                                                                Four
                                                 Your Spiritual Growth

The journey of life is not meant to be without growing pains.  Most of  us learned about life when some form of discomfort was involved.  School is one of the best examples of universal school.  We grew  up learning about peer pressure, group acceptance, rules of discipline, methods of study, and I can go on and on with examples, but you get the point.  Some of us  picked  wiser choices and learned to follow instructions, but most of us looked for the easier way out.  There is no easy way out for spiritual growth, and yes, there are some choices that are better than other choices.  It is up to us to decide.  The more that we are aware, and by that I mean spiritual awareness, the better our choices are likely to be, but I am in no way implying easier.  Spiritual growth is a difficult path because for the most of us, it is going against the grain.  Sometimes I say "thinking outside of the box". 

 None of us like authority, like erroneous rules, and rebel if....we can get away with it.  Truth is,  We get away with nothing.  Your actions either good or bad will come back to you  and repeat themselves until you learn from the lesson of life  which is what life is all about, learning.  If something is true on one level, it is true on all levels.  That spiritual law is thus: " As above so below, as below so above".   Here is the law of karma which applies for every action there is an equally opposing reaction.  Or put simply what you sew you reap.  I hear daily, "what goes around comes around".  But easily said by many and not believed by many.  If we truly understood this truth than we would understand clearly that what we believe and say is repeated within our own living experiences.  We are creating all that we think and do.  Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if all of us understood that principle?  Unfortunately that is not always how the Universe functions because many of us on earth and young souls might not be ready for this kind of message.  For those of you that resonate with this message you will understand what I am trying to say.  Test me here.  When you lose something focus upon finding this thing or object then forget about it.  Watch how it eventually returns to you in a surprising way.   Or,  while driving, focus on finding the perfect parking place for your car.  Do not doubt your thoughts and watch the space appear.

                                                                Five

We are creating a mess with our work ethic, and this trickles down to a mess with our children.  Our most important endeavor is sustaining life.   What I am saying is that we have now focused upon money and have created a horrible mess with our children's development.  No one is home!  If we have chosen to have children some one needs to be at home and that "one" needs to be one of the parents.   Historically it has been the mother figure.  Look at nature from birds to lower animals in this habitat we call  " earth".   By tradition,  this job was the   mother who was the main role model. She  taught the art of survival and we all modeled from behavior these skills.   We have turned this skill over to baby sitting services, nannies, grandmothers and even the cell phone for entertainment.  What are we doing here folks?  Either have children or do not, but do not mess with the future.  This is perilous.   Using cameras and video equipment  to watch the ones at home sends chills down my spine.  This sounds like a biology class with laboratory rats.  Not good here.   However, I helped set this up as well.  Many times when ask what I did in the way of work, my response was, "I am just a housewife".   We had no value on the most important skill of all.  Why?  We were not compensated for this service so it had no value.  Metaphysically we call this the energy exchange.  Unfortunately men as well as women had no value and therefore thought nothing of housework and raising children.  Well how do you like it now?  We have a mess on our hands with many young souls, and we haven't a clue.  We were not there to model behavior skills because no one was in the home.   I am a decorator also by trade and degree.  When called by young couples I usually walk into a very expensive home with nothing in it and litter everywhere.  No one knows how to live in a house because no one is at home.   I am often ask to use Feng Shui for creating good energy.  My response is to first reply by saying you need to  clean up the mess.   We are becoming clueless with "home".   This will get worse before it gets better. 

Here is my truth.   Over a period of time mothers began to leave the house work and join the job market.  It is true that the double income took an easy jolt out of the finances, but unknown to us all we were not paying attention to the most important asset of all.....our children.  It happened over time and it happened over two or three generations, but it is now revealing to me that we are in a bad spot with the child and his development.  I realize that both parents have to, at times, work; but I am also looking at this from the eyes of a child, and the effects upon the family.  Not to mention that reincarnation is screaming for leadership because no one wants to come back without guidance.  There is no guidance for the latch key child.   The most important spiritual mission is to insure that we create a balanced child, spiritually, emotionally, and physically so that....guess what?  We can return and improve our journey or path in order to grow spiritually.  Folks we are headed for the cave again.   Many of us will incarnate into the mess that they created, and I for one do not care to re live this confusion.  No thanks.  Forward is better than backwards here. 

First is the fear of everything.  What happened to when you get home from school, with the concept of " go out and play" ?  This is not in the mind  set of our children.  They do not have any form of unorganized play in their mind set.  Rather, it is baseball practice, cheer leading, some sport that leads to a scholarship or a giant plaque or trophy.  Nothing like "capture the flag" or "kick the can".   This disappeared when the "strangers" entered our lives and lurched ready to capture a child.   So play became the video, the I pad, or some electronic device that teaches them how to kill everything in sight with no telling what kind of weapons of horror.  There are few children in the neighborhood learning how to interact with one another, get along.  We have all locked every child up so that he is now safe from harm.  The video is teaching them how to skill and mangle as we speak.  Just look at the video  games. 

Without having parents at home to observe they are left with the alternative role models to teach by their actions not their words.  Who are these role models?  Let's look at  (1) the movies (2) video games (3) nannies or baby sitting services,  (4) the family itself  What have we done?
ear in front of your own eyes upon arrival.  This happens all of the time.  The more you learn to control your thoughts and actions, the better your life will become.  The more you allow others to have their own path without you sticking your foot in the middle of this path, the better off they will be as well as you.  Each of us learn at out own pace.  Each of us has our own path and set of beliefs, and it is paramount that all of us allow each of us to grow at our own pace.

Do not be critical of your past as no matter how difficult the journey has been, it was all in the form of a spiritual lesson for you to learn.  Even those souls that are sitting presently in jail are in what I sometimes call  God's "time out box".   Your choice after  incarceration is to either learn for the better or recreate the same experience and do this time again and again, until the lesson is learned.  Remember, there is no time in the Universe.  So take all the time you might need to learn a lesson.


                                                      Six

Most of result  when buying furniture for our home  have absolutely no plan  for how they would like to live in the house, much less take care of it. 

I was a stay at home mom and now I proudly display the fact that I truly am the last of the home bodies protecting what we once called  young couples work, and as the nest.  I do not object to any of us working outside of the home.  But what we have created for the most part in this United States is a chaos gone rampant with the children.  This article is hoping to open your eyes up to the tidal wave that is forthcoming with this new generation. 

Often I am ask, "what is my destiny?"  and there they are with a family of 5 children.  The answer is fairly simple.  For now, it is to direct the children to a healthy way of living, teach them the spiritual laws, and  of course make the "nest" an  important environment for them to live.   Another way to state what I am trying to define here is teach your children how to fly and survive.   That is destiny for now in a nut shell.  It is difficult because even for me it was the hardest job ever.  Not difficult to do, but a nightmare of frustration on the mental games that went on in my own head.  For me, it was difficult to daily deal with a young mind, and not have adult inter action with other friends.  This, for me was the hardest task of all.  I loved my children, but I too needed a break from the,  "Captain Kangaroo sect".    And, like most of you, I too did not really want to hear that teaching our children was the most important job of all, why, this was too mundane, too simple,  I wanted the BIG PICTURE.   Sorry, learn to teach the truth, do the next right thing, treat others with kindness, understand the law of karma.  You do that and home life will become much easier. 

Now for the feng shui of it all.   For the majority of young Americans ( I can't speak for the rest of the world), but for us we are not paying attention to the home environment.    Usually young couples want to create good energy.  The simple truth is that the home is like that of a crystal.  It absorbs all of the thoughts that are created within the family.  Sooooo, if there is screaming, fighting, drinking, drugging within the house for the intuitive we feel the energy long before we enter the "twilight zone".   Children are very intuitive and it is amazing what they are able to endure in this land of chaos that exist all over the United States.   Not to mention the violent games, movies, and videos that they are all watching.  Where do you think that stuff goes?  I'll give you a hint, it goes to the nearest demented mind to recreate the same scene.   A thought is a thing.  Do not allow your children to live in such a chaotic nightmare that violence seems normal to them.  Stop the insanity now and save a life as well as a soul.    Once I attended a lecture given by the Dali Llama.  He was asked, "how do we stop the war?'.   His answer a simple one,   "Stop the war from within".   Teach this simple truth, and practice this truth and oh my, " Peace on Earth Good Will Toward Men". 


                                                         Seven



Once getting past being able to see energy around us at all times.  Some of you will be able to discern what that energy tells others.  It can reveal depression, sexual desire,  how you might or might not be thinking, and on and on.  The auric energy even shows disease ( imbalance before it manifest within the body)

The absence of auric energy is that death is eminent, provided these choices are that of the soul.   In suicide for example depression shows its warning sign to me by a dark cloud present within the auric energy.   The depression can usually be witnessed as the soul has gone "within" so to speak and becomes quite while usually choosing not to participate  in life.  I might add that the colors are not as vibrant and could show a slight degree of dullness.   I have only witnessed one example that resulted in suicide, but  I do not believe myself to be an authority here.   However, I have seen such an example, and read some of the Cayce readings about auric energy and color.   I am giving your my experience on this subject, that is not to say your situation with reading auras could be slightly different from mine. 

Much of what I was taught about color while in the University of Texas I believe to be true.   I was in  the class of Marion B Davis who was a noted professor on the subject of color, and I might add the most interesting professor.  Living in color which is clear, vibrant, and usually warm in its intensity has a wonderful effect upon those in that particular habitation.  Although red is often too strong for a room and can create anger.  Color can also, according to Ms. Davis, convince those living within the room that it is either hot or cold depending upon the coolness or warmness of the color selected.  ( I am referring to the hue of the color)  Just recently, an article appeared that many penal systems use the color pink for living quarters as it generally has a calming effect for the prisoners.   Many metaphysical souls believe that pink spiritually is representative of love. 

The duller the color, the more negative is the energy.   Gray and brown are considered negative colors.  That does not mean that all bad things are getting ready to attract to the soul, but it does in fact encourage that when wearing either gray or black you should enhance the dress or slack with a bright colored scarf or tie.   All hue or color vibrates at different speeds depending upon the color.  Red is a slower vibration than say yellow.  Different vibrations are different energies arriving to the body with signals or messages that pertain to the color associated with the location in which these energies are sent.  These energies for example are all of the cells in the physical body that use the God energy to exist and communicate in order for us to live.   Often colors that we select to wear on particular days are chosen to give an added boost to the auric energy. 
 
Do your research on the colors of the Kundalini this information can easily be obtained on line or in your favorite book store.   Acupuncture works with specific energies and vibrations to enhance bodily functions for good healthy balance, some acupuncturist even use crystals to aid in the healing process.    When looking at the auric color you will be able to see these energies at work.  White of course is all color, while black is absorption of all color.  Of course the auric energy of Jesus was always shown with a white aura. 

Science is beginning to recognize that different colored lights help with healing.  This will one day be used to a greater extent than now.  We have much to learn about spiritual healing and actually we have just begun.

So what can we learn from what I have written, if you don't like your life change the way you think, interact with others, and behave within the general laws of love which are harmony, balance, love, and caring for others as well as yourself.  Then.....watch your auric energy glow and bring good things to you by the law of attraction.  
I was in my forties when my journey to find another choice began.  Like all of you, I had read everything and thought that I was ready to embark upon finding my mate.   These little adventures taught me  about life itself and of course what I was attracting. 

My first adventure was with a nice looking gentleman that turned out to have a temper from "hell".  I was extremely attracted to this soul, but realized shortly in the dating cycle that if I stayed it was a matter of time before the anger turned to me.   When you are in the throws of attraction every hormone available in your body is convincing you to stay.  The same was true here, but my intuitiveness kicked in and encouraged me to have the courage to leave.  This was not fun.  Because the death of a relationship no matter how short lived it may be brings up every fear that this will never happen again.  At least that was my experience.  However, knowing what was around the corner with this soul kept me strong enough to close the door on this relationship before I was injured.  (Attraction was, good looking and abusive)

Number two in the ," cycle of search" came with a gentle soul.   He was sweet, kind, and,   without  energy.  My memory was many evenings wondering if he would ever get off of the sofa and join the living.   He contributed nothing to the relationship and that even goes for sex, so this ended rather abruptly as I gently told him that it was time for him to move on.  (Attraction not emotionally available and no sex)

I had not yet become the wiser as my journey continued to look for the perfect soul or "soul mate".  At this point I will confess that I do not believe in soul mates.  We do not attach forever.  We join with people as long as there is a lesson to be learned or shared, and when that time is over, it is time to part.   For me, "til death us do part"  means that when the energy is dead, it is time to leave the relationship.   Number  three and four both came together as a dueling duo.   Both were fun to be around, both were smart, but hidden beneath the lines were addiction  and emotionally unable to connect.   Number three, I met at church and he was a cocaine addict as well as a dealer.  Number four was an exercise nut. "control freak" extraordinaire,  and both were emotionally unavailable.  I turned them both down at about the same time.  (attraction abusive with control, emotionally unavailable, no sex at all, and addictive disorders)

I had had three years of bad experiences and at about this time, I realized that it was me that was attracting this mess.  I was devastated and knew that I had a problem.   It was shortly afterward that I decided to give up alcohol and work upon myself.  I knew that  I had to changed but even though I thought that I had all of the answers, I was still continuing to attract the same mess.   I entered the doors of recovery.   I had surrendered and although I felt hopeless, I began my journey that totally changed my life.  

It is said that when you begin working upon your own issues, you need a time of silence to discover who you are.   I sat in the rooms of recovery for about 18 months before the "fireworks" started.   Even now after 21 years of marriage,   I remain steadfast to this suggestion that was given to me.  It take about a minimum of  12 months to change one's vibration before any of us are able to sustain a workable relationship.   Believe me,  I tested this theory many times while in recovery, and it was God's Grace that kept me idle and alone.  Tried as I did, no one was around.   Until one evening, I realized that the man who had been sitting around me this whole time, my friend, and confidant, was to become my husband.   Our agreement was simple.   You use drugs marriage over,  you may not take my inventory or try to change me,  acceptance of who I am warts and all is imperative.  It will not work if you try to change me so don't, and last allow me to worship the God of my choosing without your advice.   We are still having a good time. 

*  I would love to hear your story if you care to share.  Of course.....I will respond.   Judith

                                                              Eight

All of us have similar journeys.  Like all of us, we want the shortest way with the perfect path.  I too was the same way in regard to looking for a better mate.    We believe that once we read  new information, we think that we " have it, or understand it".  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  You have to apply what you have learned and put it into practice.   This is the spiritual truth of everything learned.  We must practice what we preach or, as we say in therapy, " you have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk".   I was told  I would be tested several times before the right person came along.  So sitting here, I thought that I would tell you my story and perhaps you might learn from my experience.  And begin the "art of practice". 

I have written often that first you must develop the list.    There are two list,  one is positive, and the other is negative.  You must have two list.  Begin with the negative which is all of that you do not want to have.  Your learned all of these traits from your parents, and that is what you have attracted in all of the subsequent relationships.  So start with all that you didn't like about your mother and father (or those that you lived with in your formative years) and create your list.  Here was  my list.  They were controlling,  critical, perfectionist, and punishing to the point that created a fear which developed into panic attacks, alcoholic and last co-dependent, as well as emotionally abusive.  Your list could be similar.  But it is up to you to write it down and look at it.  Because all of your previous relationships are on that list.    The positive list are those aspects that you should want in a relationship.  Such examples are, trust, the ability to earn a living,  a good partner that treats you with respect, that that does not rage and rant, one that tolerates and accepts the other for who they are.  I could go on and on here, but you should be able to create exactly what you are looking for in a partner. 

With my story, I attracted a good combination of both my mother and father.  It was comfortable for me as it was familiar.  So it took a long time for me to even understand that this relationship was not working.   My part in the attraction was simply this,  I attracted to that which was familiar, it felt normal, and made total sense.  Had I attracted to where I am today, I would have bolted to the door.  Where I am today and from what I have learned is nothing like what I was.    Today, I have boundaries,  I am able to stand up and tell the truth even to the point of accepting the fact that others might disagree with me.  I have a balanced relationship based upon love and respect.   My mate today has the right to disagree with me without fear of reprisal.   I accept that it is okay to get angry, it is not okay to rage.  And above all everything is open and discussed.  This is not easy to find in a relationship.  It is a journey on your part to become perfectly honest within yourself as to what you want.  It is not my job to find that soul, but yours.  Until you walk this path, you can choose to attract the same thing or learn to put down what you do not want to live with and continue looking until that soul emerges.  It is truthfully up to you.  God gave us the choice, now use it to find what you want.